sometimes i really wish we did not have to pay tithes. it seems like nothing but a stress. every time jess gets paid, we pay our bills and then i am like oh, we have to pay our tithes too..there goes money for groceries and such. it sucks. really sucks. i wish God didn't tell us to pay them..otherwise i wouldn't. it's not like we have to go without...we always seem to have money for groceries and gas but i am the one that does the bills and it just seems like such a stress. i shouldn't be complaining..but i don't care. i know God provides and all that crap but i am not in the mood to be all cheery and say that. None the less...He does provide and now i feel all guilty for not just having faith in Him. whatever...i got to go. i have a stupid muscle test tomorrow and in no way am i prepared to take it. life sucks sometimes.

man, i must be off, or stupid, or crazy, or weird, or just plain ole confused because it seems to me like most people i am in contact with are just handy dandy find with the church and christianity and all that jazz. i feel like i am the only one with questions, concerns, and opinions that are not the same as everyone elses. what's wrong with me? did i miss some big meeting that the Lord had with everyone and so everyone has "got it" or something. please tell me if you think i am just crazy or normal cuz i sure feel like i am one of the old balls.

i was disappointed by the sermon tonight at church. i feel like it's the same one i have heard millions of times before...don't be like the world..be set apart...be different. yeah, yeah, yeah. and our pastor talked about how it's so important to be at not only sunday morning service but also sunday night and wednesday night. i honestly think that God doesn't care if you don't go to church every time the door is opened...or even if you don't go every single sunday. Yet i would feel guilty as crap if i stayed home one sunday morning to sleep in or do something else. see what the "church" has instilled in me? guilt. where is that in the Bible?

showering is over-rated. why must we shower every day...we should go like three or four days in between showering. but then again, you meet the occasional person who really just stinks and all you can think is why doesn't this guy shower?

I love stormy days. i wish it would pour rain all day with lots of lightning and loud thounder....but because i want that it probably won't. oh well.

on a different note..i have a small business idea..i wonder if it will work....

green bean anyone? i don't think tyler wants them!

you know, i can't stand it when someone acts like they know it all and their way is the only way it should be. makes me want to punch someone like that.

There are new pictures of Tyler up on his photo page. Click on the Tyler Photo link to see them all!

every day that i drive on the highway leading to our house i see the house i am in love with. the highway is not one that is used very much anymore, and the house is sitting back far from the road. leading up to it are two rows of trees with an overgrown "driveway" in the middle. i have always wanted a driveway like that. this house is empty. i don't know how long it has been that way. all i know is that this house fascinates me. i can't not look at it every time i go past. it's very big. almost mansion size. the architecture is pretty cool. the yard is massive. there is a spirit about that house. i think is has a soul. i can image the life that use to live in it. maybe it has been around a very long time and it use to have servants running around it and children playing in the yard outside it. maybe a horse and buggy would be sitting out front...waiting to go down the long driveway. maybe it was owned by a very wealthy business man that feel in love and had the house built for his new bride. i can imagine that the hallways were once filled with laughter and the dining area was alive with dinners and parties. i don't know why someone would leave such a wonderful house...why it was abandoned never to be lived in again. but it's a very interesting place. i wish i could go back in time to see how it use to be. to see the old owners that use to live in it.

I feel like a wanderer walking aimlessly around in a forest. I know there is a way out, but I don't know which way it is. I am captivated by the things I see. I am mesmerized by the smells and the sounds. Yet I want more. None of this is good enough for me. I continue to walk around amlissly, knowing there is a way out...yet not knowing how to find it. But I want to stay here for a while. I have a peace about it...like a trance....i am totally in a zone. I don't want to leave.

Tyler ate rice cereal for the first time tonight. He thought it was great! I put a few more pics of it on his page.